+Vampires. The fanged, pale, awkward looking creeps who enjoy sucking the blood from their victims and apparently shine. Yes, shine. What am I gonna talk about in this blog? It's all vampires baby. In the spirit of the way overrated, "New Moon," release, I will dedicate this blog completely to vampires. I will tell you all there is to know about the lovely creatures and how much I love them. Ha! Twilight fans cover your eyes because it's about to get ugly. All gloves off on this pop culture turd. So, way way back in the good old days, when vampires were actually pretty scary, I loved to watch the 1950's, "Dracula," and I loved the Count on Sesame Street as much as the next guy but all of those memories are dead. They have been slaughtered, raped, and beaten. With a hammer and then blended. Why? Because the Twilight series is wrong on so many levels and I am about to tell you the greatest one. Bella Swan. I am sorry but how can anyone relate to this character? She moves to this town and falls in love with a vampire. Not, "high school" love, we're talking "love of my life" love. Second to that, she barely knows the guy and in the span of 2 weeks he's appearing outside her window and undressing with his rapist eyes. Is this even safe to be jamming down the throats of the twelve year old's reading it? I think not. Kids should understand the dangers of falling in love with vampires and werewolves. Seriously. And for all the preteen girls who are crying their little over eye shadowed eyes out, don't worry. Even though you've fallen in love with a fictional character and you have become unhealthily addicted to a series about creepy, stalker vampires and racially stereotyped vampires fighting over a clumsy, unsafe nymphet; there is still hope for you. Seek mental aid, immediately.

Labels: New Moon, Opinion, Overrated, Sigh, Twilight