+WalMart. This place, for some, is heaven in department store form but I have mixed feelings about it. I understand that they now have almost everything essential for life on Earth. I understand that they have lots of easily accesible locations that are always fully stocked. I understand that are always rolling back their prices to do their part to support the middle class family. But, it's Wal Mart and of course your gonna have to come to the realization that it's absolutely, a nut house. How does the most powerful company in the world become a nut house? Well, it's a variety of things kids. It starts with really cheap merchandise, this draws in millions of consumers to buy anything on sale. Then, you double the amount of stuff because everyone nowadays likes to have more and more. After you've followed those basic steps all you have to do now is let psycho teens and cranky old people run the place and voila, you've got yourself a pure bred Wal Mart. I can't tell you the specifics of why Wal Mart's scare me but I can give you some reasons why. Every time I go in, a person who speaks little to no English stares me up and down like I've stolen something already. After I've been undressed by the greeter's eyes I get the lovely opportunity to peer all around the store and just get a good look at how generic, ginormous and utterly bland the store is. If that's not enough already, you get to spend hours surrounded by lookalike pedophiles. I swear to it, Wal Mart has become a feeding ground for sexual predators and to most people that's a bit terrifying. A bit. But hey, there's no doubt about it that Wal Mart has the lowest prices on almost everything, like, seriously everything. I'm pretty sure they even sell rifles. Yes, although a store that sells rifles and sliced bologna in one convenient location is pretty awesome, Wal Mart has something much better to offer. The people who shop there. I don't mean casually shop, I mean the people who have dedicated their souls to the Church of Wal Mart, like the super classy stud-muffin in the picture. Not quite sure what I am talking about? Just click this link and all shall be explained.

Labels: 10/10, Funny, John Lovett, Opinion, People Who Shop at Walmart, WalMart